November has been a very rude month, which is rude. But none of that matters, because we MADE IT to planned baby time! It felt like the longest and shortest 9 months of my life and I am so very, very thankful for what my body did, without any help from me. Knowing the twins will be making their grand debut post-haste makes me feel like I’m living in one of those dreams I will occasionally have where I am back in school and wake up one morning realizing it’s the day of the final exam and I haven’t once gone to the class or even have the slightest inkling of an idea of what “statistics” means or what kinds of things go on in a class like that. Measuring wingspans? Using math to build the ultimate fantasy football team? SHIT I should have at least opened the book once! Or bought the book! You know the kind of dream I am talking about. Only this is real life, and for the past 9  months I’ve been essentially useless to myself and to these growing little seedlings. They got literally not one crumb of nutrition from about week 7 to week 24, including about 98% of the vitamins and prescriptions I was supposed to be taking to help them grow due to the non-stop yacking. And then when the full on yacking settled down to the occasional soft burble and I started to think about vegetables and minerals and nutrients and making up for lost time, the fiery heat of ghost pepper hell that is heartburn shoved a stake into my chest and took up residence. It got to the point where WATER was giving me heartburn. WATER. How is that a thing? It is beyond amazing to me that somehow both babies have grown and developed and look absolutely perfect when the only sustenance they have received from me for an entire 9 months has been rice cakes and Cheetos. Yet somehow they are measuring close to 6 pounds apiece! It took me until halfway through the pregnancy to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and then after that I couldn’t gain anything more, until starting around week 32 when I gained nearly 20 lbs of fluid from my belly button on down. Here is a quick montage of cankle progression, for your viewing pleasure:

 

Hilarious. Will not miss these squishy tree trunks. Also if you’ve never had a water-logged labia, you’re missing out on some fun.

BUT WE DID IT! I worked right up through 37 weeks which was my goal, and honestly being at work and staying busy at the clinic was exactly what the doctor ordered, even when the real doctor was actually trying to order a more restful situation for the world’s most stubborn patient. Although I am eternally grateful that FMLA exists and will keep my job secure for me so I can take a maternity leave, it is some damn bogus nonsense that unpaid leave is the reality for most of us. So when faced with the choice of being stingy with my accrued PTO so that I could have some income during leave or taking time off and being home and letting my Shrek legs quit splooshing around for a little bit, saving PTO won every time. Well almost every time, as there were a few situations out of my control that even I couldn’t sneak my way out of, like waking up one night dripping fluid, leaking blood, and globbing out chunks of mucus plug as I hobbled to the bathroom to investigate. That moist situation landed me in L&D for some monitoring and I did have to miss a training that day. Eventually I was released though and I did enjoy practicing modeling those awesome big lady diapers around again, as those will be a way of life for me again shortly after the children rototill through my crotchal region all hyped up on Pitocin.

My BP, swelling, and protein spilling at the very end also almost forced me to miss my last 2 scheduled work shifts but after some blood work showed liver enzymes were still behaving and giving a sincere promise to my OB that I would keep an eye on my BP at work I was given the all clear to finish out the week! I’m going to miss the daily grind, but it will be nice to be home for awhile snowed in with my little baby gang, especially through the holiday season.

Miss Olivia is officially 2! In addition to having a brunch and getting presents a few weeks ago with Gates’ family my parents came down for the weekend of her actual birthday and gave her all the love and cuddles. And presents and an amazing homemade Minnie Mouse cake. They totally made her birthday a birthday, and it was really special to see her so excited with all the attention. She especially loved being sang Happy Birthday to, and picking out a balloon at the grocery store. My cousin Mandi also sent her some presents to get her ready to be a big sister, including a Big Sister outfit that we have hanging up in her closet, and every morning when she gets dressed she points to it and says “when babies come!” – my big 2 year old, ready for some big changes! I was able to get her wellness check and flu vaccination squeezed in the week before my induction which was the last “thing” on my list to do before baby time and she got an A+ from her doc on all developmental levels. 30 lbs, 33 inches tall, and 100th percentile for sass. She also was able to do the nasal flu vaccination vs the shot because she was able to show the nurse that she could do a big sniff in through her nose on command… aka “Hey Olivia, what does Peppa say?!”. Worked like a charm.

I also need to give a quick shout out to Olivia for being the impetus for us deciding to expand our family in the first place. Kiddo, you have been the absolute light of our lives from the minute you flew out of me, screeching and choking up amniotic fluid by the gallon. You have kept us laughing even in the dark days without sleep and watching you grow and learn is my absolute favorite hobby in the world. I cannot wait to see you become a big sister and I hope these siblings are the best gift that we ever give you, even though that plastic shopping cart I found at Goodwill for you for $3 is also pretty dope. Thank you for being exactly you, from the tips of your wispy blonde flyaway curls to the bottoms of your fat little hobbit feet with the gnarly toenails that I am terrible at remembering to trim. I’m so glad it’s you on this adventure with us. And I’m so glad that you made me a Mama. Just like the Grinch, because of you my wrinkled raisin heart grew 3 sizes and more.

So this is it my friends! Next time you see me there will be a whole lot less going on in my torso and a whole lot more going on in my arms and on my boobs. No turning back now! Packed a hospital bag and everything finally!

As exciting as it has been wondering if my body will just spontaneously combust into labor on its own, what with my cervix literally just gaping open like a crater and a sac filled with water just chilling up there as the only barrier between Baby A’s little noggin and the brisk November air, I am breathing well knowing that making it to the induction means we can at least kind of control the surprises. Although so many amazing friends and family have offered us support of all kind including watching Olivia in the middle of the night if we needed to make a fast exodus to the hospital, I so much more prefer heading into the delivery unit together and unaccompanied by a whiny minion making sleepy demands for YouTube and Teddy Grahams. I know how surreal it is going to feel walking into the hospital together knowing that we won’t be leaving until the birthing business is done, and although I am sure the chaos of naturally occurring labor is also a unique experience I can’t help but feel lucky that I won’t have to be fighting traffic on the bypass during contractions or sitting in my own amniotic fluid and keeping my legs crossed sitting stuck behind an overturned semi or any other number of random travel shenanigans praying to make it to the hospital in time for someone to yank these puppies out of me. Plus the timing worked out that Gates and I got to go out together the night before the induction to celebrate his birthday, and that was seriously  a special night for us to reflect and get excited and also to thank God that I soon will get my body back and won’t constantly be such a useless giant slug. I can’t wait to breathe! I can’t wait to eat! I can’t wait to be able to lay on my back and also put my own socks on and also not waddle. The time has come. On the other swollen hoof though, I have been feeling very, very sentimental about this being “it” for us in regards to babies. I know even in a few short months the difficult parts of this pregnancy won’t actually seem as bad as they were and once we are on the other side of the newborn trenches and our lives have some order and everyone gets into their groove I will start to feel a teeny bit wistful of the fact that we won’t be doing any of this again together. All the ultrasounds and tests and blood work and check ups and monitoring and all the waiting and anticipation and wondering, and then the labor and delivery itself which is such an amazing and humbling experience, and then the absolute magic of meeting the mystery squiggle (or squiggles) who have been hanging out under the No Vacancy sign in your uterus for the past 9 months and being like WOW ok yea it’s YOU. And getting to know the new little teeny tiny needy baby caterpillar that is now part of your life and somehow calls all the shots and runs the show despite being a helpless little sack of squish and dribbles. So I’m also a little desperately hanging on to each final minute of the countdown because I know how very special and unique and awesome this moment in our lives is, and this chapter of life is a hard one to put down and an even harder one to close. Here is the last picture of us as a family of just 3. Cannot wait to see what kind of madness is in store for us as a party of 5.

So… let’s do this thing! That’s all folks!

 

And the final belly pic! My OB measured fundal height just for a laugh and belly measured in at a whopping 46 weeks. Lol how is that even possible.

And here is a sneak peek at the liquid gift basket I won as a prize for surviving pregnancy! I was the organizer of the gift basket raffle and also I was the only one allowed a raffle ticket. I never win anything, so excited. Of course right now most of this is stuck in Gates’ trunk since some girl rear ended him and smooshed up the back half of his car, but it’s there, it’s calling to me, and hopefully it doesn’t freeze and explode before I can liberate it down my gullet.

And lastly, just some final thoughts:

 

See you on the other side!