Beeb has started the adventure of “solid” foods aka mushy mush mush, which has been a fun experience for her at both ends:

So far the clear winner is sweet potatoes and the loser is squash. Also her clothes.

OG had her first little sickness, a gross cold that I got from Gates and then passed on to her – but she definitely got off the easiest with symptoms, I’m sure thanks to the magical power of breastmilk. We were gross, achy, snotty, feverish, hoarse slobs, but she just had a little fever and runny nose for a couple days. Of course, my parents were visiting while she was ill and needed to love on her squishy little face, as grandparents do, and I now take full responsibility for my dad getting mega ill shortly after visiting, eventually landing himself in the hospital up north, and then even needing to be transferred to Mayo clinic for a long few days. RUDE, OLIVIA! And this all happened soon after I shared with him the big daddy of all the dad jokes:

– so he would have had a perfect way to bid his fond farewell to us if the baby ended up killing him. Thankfully he is on the mend and doing much better. And all things considered, while it totally sucked that he was hospitalized and was so sick, but it was awesome to get to see my parents and some of my siblings for a random weekend in Rochester. I got to drive Katherine back up to her dorm in Minneapolis and took her and Tony out to dinner, and then Tony and I got to check out an actually super dope microbrewery in Rochester when we got back that night after dad was asleep – excellent sibling bonding time. The long drive helped me master the art of car pumping:

And car selfies apparently. Also lesson definitely learned about letting sick babies play with the immunosuppressed, no matter how much they both beg and plead. Or we will get dad a Hazmat suit. He already kinda looks like Walter White anyway.

But seriously dad, no more theatrics. Let’s stay out of the hospital from here on out.

Squid’s definitely going to be an animal lover. She absolutely screeches in delight whenever the dog licks her, or the kitty lets her catch a glimpse of her before she skulks off. And when Gates took her into Petco to pick up some dog food she was absolutely fascinated with the birds in the store, and within an hour had started making an adorable high-pitched chirping sound of her own. Cannot wait until it’s warmer out so we can utilize our zoo pass and she can spend hours on end plotting ways to get ahold of all those exotic animals and be able to pinch them to her hearts content like she does with her own cat and dog. Also she will probably learn the hard way that some animals don’t tolerate the pinching the way hers do, I’m picturing a little goat nip here and there before she realizes the sad truth of the world that not every animal is squishable, no matter how much we wish we could squeeze a baby tiger cub.

Also her babysitter added some new little fluff balls to the household…

Just imagine all the “love” OG will get to share with those little cuties!

She had her 4 month check up and got her next series of shots – Gates was there to witness them this time and she put on an extra special dramatic show for him:

She weighed in at a whopping 12 pounds 12 oz and measured 24 inches – still clocking in on the 10th percentile for height and weight but making up for it with her little bobblehead which is right at the 50th percentile. No lectures from doc vis-à-vis the “eh who needs tummytime” mantra of our household as she is a little roly poly inchworm and is squiggling all over the place just fine despite the fact that I would scoop her out of tummy time position a mere few seconds after we started it due to the screams. She’s probably banked maybe an hour total of tummy time in her 5 months on earth. Bad mom.

Doc also got to hear about the lack of sleeping situation and brought up the fact that getting less than 10 hours sleep total in a 24 hour period is not only the freaking worst for Gates and I, but also is not idea for baby brain development. We calculated that on average, a typical 24 hour period for OG usually includes only about 7 hours of sleep. She will randomly zonk out for a 2 hour nap maybe once a week, and once in a while will snooze for a 3-4 hour block of time at night, but these are few and far between, and always occur when she is either with her sitter or my in-laws. Doc said to keep track for the next few weeks and if she continues on so little sleep we could see the sleep guys at Children’s and possibly get our little paws on some melatonin or something for the kid. It’s shocking to me how happy she is pretty much all the time without regular sleep… I wish I had her temperament. Because I feel like I’ve been a giant crank lately, which is so not my style.

When she does pass out though, she is literally dead to the world. Like you can pick her limbs up and drop them and she doesn’t stir even the slightest. Like a hibernating bear. And makes the sweetest little sighing squeaking snoring noises you can imagine.

Oh my sweet little piggy. Unfortunately, her sleep aversion has caused me to develop a condition that I made up called F.O.M.O.O.S – Fear of Missing Out On Sleep… I will instantly start to become extremely anxious the second she closes her eyes that I should also be sleeping, because who knows when I will get another chance for a quick zizz. This is very frustrating for me, because her best stretch of sleep is usually from around 7-9 pm, which is literally the only time during the week I get to see Gates, except, of course, all night long when we are crabby AF and up with the demon every hour. So I am torn between trying desperately to get to sleep ASAP, or spending an hour or two hanging out with my husband doing something other than crying and trying to use my boob as a plug to shush the fussing. Olivia’s fussing. Not his. The boob trick hasn’t worked on him in years.

The latest sleep strategies we’ve tried include letting her cry it out for longer than ever, which does nothing except work her into a rage. We lay there and keep thinking ok, ok, ok, soon, SOON, SOON she will HAVE to just tire herself out… but so far our little energizer bunny has proved us wrong. I tried eliminating dairy again, I tried eliminating beer, I tried eliminating even the minimal amount of caffeine I drink via coffee in the mornings… all with no success. We’ve put her down in her crib, we’ve put her in her Pack n’ Play, we’ve put her in her bouncer, we’ve put her in her swing, we’ve put her in her car seat, we’ve put her in bed with us, we’ve put her in bed on us… none of it works any better than anything else. Last night was one of our worst nights yet… I finally gave up and got up with her at 3 and took her downstairs with me… rocked her until like 5:30, she finally started to doze off in my arms on the couch, and so did I… Only to have to get up a few minutes later to get ready for work. Of course!

But day after napless day, night after sleepless night, the thought that I keep coming back to is thank god this little baby is ours, thank god we are the ones being tested with this crazy little creature, thank god it is us having to handle caring for this tiny, needy monster on 5 months without sleep – because I can’t imagine what her fate might be in the care of someone with less patience. I totally understand now how something like shaken baby syndrome occurs, I understand how someone can reach their snapping point, I have been at a level of frustration with my inability to figure out her needs that I never, ever imagined I was capable of. I don’t feel like this is something that is talked about enough, and is something I was not prepared for enough emotionally. I feel like every parent-to-be needs to go through a rigorous Ironman style event of worst case scenario baby moments that include days on end of inconsolable crying, sleep deprivation torture, and a litany of hormone containing medications to simulate the messed up emotional state that can accompany babydom prior to the arrival of their little beast, just to have an idea of what may await them. And then ones who are blessed with sweet tempered, easily consolable, snoozy little sleepers will feel grateful and competent, and those of us with sometimes unbelievably sleepless and cranky little octopi will at least be able to think back to our training and know we are capable of survival. I am so completely thankful that even in those terrible moments of helplessness, frustration, and being totally overwhelmed – I have the awareness and self-control to keep myself calm and walk away from the situation. And more than that, I have a partner who jumps in to help without hesitation, who more than understands that my days home with this kid are usually anything but relaxing, and who is always more than willing to give me a break and take over so I can breathe a little breath and collect myself before I tag in for round 2 of whatever she is throwing at us. Hashtag blessed, hashtag grateful, hashtag lucky. I am so thankful that I am her Mama, because I won’t give up on her, no matter how nuts my little crazy gets.