Someone had told me about home Dopplers and how great they were, so naturally I did my thorough research and went with the model that was rated the highest and had the overall best performance. Just kidding, I bought the cheapest one on Amazon that qualified for Prime, as we do for basically everything in our life… canned clams, tents, wedding dresses, Slim Jims, etc.

The directions said to use a generous amount of a clear gel or a lubricant to decrease static and aid in the sound clarity, but since I forgot to purchase either of those things I slathered myself up in canola oil and hoped for the best. First of all, wow. My guts are excruciatingly and embarrassingly noisy enough on a good day, never mind with the additional amplification of basically a megaphone. Most of what I heard sounded like there was a moose who had been shot dying slowly and painfully inside of me. Once I could finally tune out some of that horrific moaning noise… suddenly my eyes filled with tears as I listened for a few minutes to the distinct and steady “lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub” noise of a heartbeat… until I checked my pulse and realized I was listening to my own heartbeat and was an idiot. This went on for some time as I moved the Doppler near and far in my general pelvical region trying to find a mini heartbeat that was (hopefully) a lot faster than 64 beats per minute. No dice. Well, for a few seconds I did think I heard a fainter, speedier, little ticking… but I listened over and over where I thought I heard it and I couldn’t find it again so now I think maybe I imagined it.

The middle of week 10 brought our first prenatal appointment. This included a teaching session, 10 tubes of blood, and Gates getting asked the question, “Is this your first pap smear”? as my OB dove right into my cervix without giving him a chance to glance away. It was indeed his first pap smear, and I imagine he probably would like it to be his last. Doc then pulled out the hospital-grade Doppler and did a little hunt for the heartbeat of her own, and SUCCESS! Clipping along at a buck seventy, baby Gates seems to have at least some of its parts in order. Also, I then X marks the spotted the area where she heard that little thumping so that we could try to find it again at home… and we could! Something so weird and cool about hearing that noise from inside of yourself. For anyone who hasn’t tried that before I highly recommend it. Even if you’re not pregnant, you’ll probably hear noises that seem like there is something living in there. Kinda sweet.

Someone finally supplied me with the word I’ve been searching for when trying to describe what this stage of pregnancy feels like: hungover. Seriously, it’s been a roller coaster of exhaustion, nausea/and/or vomiting, absolutely no desire to do anything, non-stop resting bitch face, major food aversion, and a lot of trying things that other people swear will help with how you are feeling but nothing helping at all. Poor Gates has accepted this as our new normal, and my yuckiness has become as much of our daily routine now as typical, non-pregnant Rosie activities, such as laying down in bed for teeth brushings, eating meals out of coffee mugs, and talking to the dog in German. Guten tag der Führer! But at least with this hangover the end result is a bundle of joy and not a headache and a day or two worth of self-loathing and regrets. Hopefully. All that being said, I love it. It’s exactly what I expected and everything I hoped for. And even though I am too tired and too nauseated from the smell of bathrooms in general to take a second to look in the mirror, I have a feeling I’m glowing. Or just flushed with the exertion of trying to resist this urge:

We rounded out the end of the first trimester with our first ultrasound and early screenings. Seeing the little bug squirming around on the screen was so surreal! Here is the first picture of the fruit of our loins:

KIDDING, OBVI. Here it is, rocking a little Tim Tebow action.

AWWW! It’s a little crustacean. Facebook announcement made it official, there is no turning back now. Of course it felt great to share our little secret with the masses, especially as carrying on the charade of pretending to drink beer when we are out with friends to keep people from guessing has become more and more annoying. Sorry to all that we fooled with the ol’ dump the can of PBR out in the bathroom sink and fill it with water instead trick. It was all in the name of giving the little acorn a chance to blossom into a full fledged sea creature before announcing its existence to the world. And now we are all on the same page, and almost a third of the way into this madness!!

Deuces, First Trimester!